It is so reassuring as a wife when your husband thinks you are one of the worlds great brain trusts. I always try and make my answers sound reasonably knowledgeable when he asks questions about how to remove an appendix or how many signers of the Declaration of Independence were actually cross dressers . This morning I was required to tap into the entomology section of the old brain hard drive.
We have the summer crop of those little ants. I call them "Piss Ants" and they are so aggravating because they get into things even when you are really careful and keep them covered. Time to get out the Terro but in the meantime as I walk through the kitchen Leslie says "I think I just ate an ant in my cereal!". I said that I would get more of the toxic arsenic sugar substance out that I found to be the only thing to kill those pests. Leslie then asks "If you swallow an ant does it crawl around in your stomach or what happens to it?" Oh the childlike innocence and wonder of inquiry. I weigh my reply carefully to provide an educated answer but at the same time not to evoke panic. I answer in a calm voice just like Mr. Wizard the science man on TV of old. "I would say that when the stomach acid kicks in Mr. Ant will be broken down just like any other protein." Then that little naughty side of me that teases little kids possessed my speech and I heard myself saying "Did you get a look at the ant? What did it look like?" He says " it just looked like an ant. Why?" I proceed to say "Well now, if it is a queen ant there could be a problem. You know her one purpose in life is to lay eggs and she lays like maybe a thousand a day. She is an egg laying machine! I would venture to say she could probably lay 4 or 5 hundred before those stomach juices kill her, and since you had milk on your cereal I think that may help neutralize stomach acid somewhat so she could.......Well just be sure and carry your cell phone with you today."
At this point I made my own human nature discovery. I know now why men are attracted to stupid bimbos and threatened by smart women. A smart woman tells them the cold hard truth the bimbo...well she would have said "that must be how they get butterflies in the stomach too!"
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(c) 2013 Ellen Wilson-Pruitt