Well it’s time to see what you are made of. The annual ritual of filling out the brackets is completed. As a home grown Hoosier you know I believe that basketball is THE only sport. All the other sports are just to entertain us until basketball season starts. I am also very methodical when it comes down to going through my brackets. I will clue you in on just how I do it. Feel free to use these rules for your own compilation. I have no licenses on my technique and I am more than happy to share with those that are less in tune to the sport of round ball. Now let’s just scan down the list and see who we have.
Texas Southern, now if the school doesn’t know that Texas is in the South and have to remind themselves of that fact well then I have no hopes for them on the hardwood. Xavier and St. John’s, hey anytime you are named after a saint you have to have some pull upstairs so I will carry you guys at least one game. Notre Dame, I have always wanted to visit Paris so that is good for at least two kicks up in the brackets. Oklahoma, one of my favorite musicals, you may pass go and collect 200 dollars. Harvard, come on really? All they can talk about is football. Back on the bus for you. Louisville, which for all practical purposes was a part of Indiana until they got all snippy about the Civil War. I will grant you a soft spot pass up one bracket. Coastal Carolina, I love the coast of Carolina north or south so you get extra points for the beach.
Providence, I don’t think that is divine so have a seat in the bleachers. UCLA, of course having a Hoosier born coach that I watched grow up in my home town you get to move to the front of the line. It also doesn’t hurt because the coach has great hair. Eastern Washington, once again we have a school that is directionally challenged. The last time I glanced at a US map Washington was in the West. So sorry guys, here’s a snow cone for your trouble and watch from the rafters. Davidson, I always kind of liked the singer John Davidson so I will let you by just this one time. Belmont, didn’t anyone tell them “no horses allowed”? Sorry they make way too much mess on the court. The S.F. Austin Lumberjacks, I know nothing about them but I think it would be worth one pass to see them play in those red and black checked flannel uniforms.
North Dakota State, you have to feel sorry for anyone that would spend the winter in ND of their own free will so they at least deserve a trip away from the frigid north. Manhattan, let’s get real here! They play stick ball in NY don’t they? Sorry boys no sticks allowed and back to the bowery for you. Butler, I will not mention the fact that they are one of my home state teams of choice but forget that. Just the fact that I love Downton Abbey and having a butler means class for this you gives you a free pass. West Virginia, you have always had a bum rap ever since that movie “Deliverance”. I will grant you a couple brackets just because “you got a purdy mouth”. No way am I going to give a nod to Northern Florida. The last thing we need is gators and mosquitoes moving northward. Stay down in the glades.
Duke, sorry but no further. Let’s just say the Blue Devil made me do it. Arizona, one of my favorite songs by Paul Revere and the Raiders so you get to move onward. I guess if we want to be patriotic and carry the Revolutionary War theme a bit further I should probably be nice to Georgetown at least for one game. As for Indiana I don’t want to show partiality so I say “better luck next year”. Purdue, I have a problem with a conference named The Big Ten but they are unable to count. Has no one pointed out to them they actually have 14 teams in the conference? You may be the oldest conference in the US but you should be better at math by now. No pass to the Boilermakers.
Gonzaga, the problem with this school is that I have a mental block with the name. The Bunkmate has trouble remembering the name so he just calls it “Gonads”. Subsequently, I cannot find it in my comfort zone to promote a team that reminds me of a “crotch shot”. Ok, I have been ignoring the elephant in the room and have not mentioned Kentucky. Well any state that will take credit for a chicken recipe created by a Hoosier born restauranteur and then make him a colonel to try and put up a smoke screen to cover this up is at the bottom of my list. Let’s tabulate the results, looks like according to my bracketology our national champion will the Running Nuns of Our Lady of Perpetual Three Pointers. This school is known all across the nation as the team of hookers . They have the highest percentage of successful hook shots in the Vatican Rosary Conference. So lets’s pop some popcorn, pull up an easy chair and on to Indianapolis.